


It Has to be You

by mathildia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Brainwashing, M/M, Reluctant Submission, Sadism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:20:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3389891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathildia/pseuds/mathildia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is different now. And Steve has issues. These things are oddly compatible. In a horrible way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nerve_Itch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerve_Itch/gifts).



> Because she kept telling me to write Stucky.

It made Steve feel foolish to remember what he’d thought once. To remember that he had really, truly thought that he would find Bucky, rescue him, bring him home, take him to bed and everything would be the same as it had always been.

It wasn’t.

Bucky was different and sometimes he was sad and that was a thing, but the sex was the thing that was most different. The sex wasn’t like it had been before.

Where Bucky had once been full of zip and passion, he was cold. Precise and businesslike. Efficient and controlled as he took Steve, held him down on the bed, kissed him, made him moan, then prepped him with one, two and then three fingers, fucked into him, jerked him at the same time. All correct and always the same. He made it good. But it was too good, too _exacting_ , and when Steve looked at Bucky as Bucky was fucking him, his eyes looked hollow and sad. When Steve moaned Bucky’s name, Bucky only nodded. When Steve pulled Bucky to him in a kiss, there was always a second before Bucky remembered to kiss back.

Steve thought that was down to him. He was so different now. Not his body; he and Bucky had found nights back then for Bucky to experience Steve’s new body, and Bucky had seemed to enjoy the power and heft of it. It was just him. Who he was in this world they were in now.

When he asked about how things were now, apologised, really, Bucky said, no, said it wasn’t Steve, wasn’t Steve at all. Said that he was the one who was different now. Said, “It’s like my dick’s different, bud. My dick or my brain or something. They did something. I mean, they did a lot of things, you know. But some of them mean…. The way I feel now…I don’t like the same things.”

Steve knew what that meant. “You don’t like me? Or guys? You don’t like men? Do you want a dame now? If you do, that’s cool, Buck, really. I can help you. Nat has this list.” Bucky had always liked girls too. Maybe now he’d decided he only wanted girls. Steve knew there were things about girls that would always be tempting for Bucky. Of course, it would shatter Steve’s heart to have Nat find a girl for Bucky, but if that was what it took…

Bucky shook is head. “I still,” he stopped and swallowed. “I still want you, Steve. I think I want you more. But… The same things don’t make me hard like they used to.” He looked down and away and then back again “Used to be, Steve, all I’d have to do was look at you or kiss you a bit and I’d be like a fucking iron bar and want to fuck you more than…” he paused a second. “It’s not like that now. Now I have to think about other stuff, or I just don’t feel it.”

“What stuff? What do you want? What do you think about?”

Bucky swallowed. “It’s not good stuff, Steve. And worse is, it’s always about you.”

*

It took another three days from Bucky to explain any further.

They were sitting on the long curved sofa in one of the living rooms. Both eating cereal after working out and it came out of nowhere.

“What it is, Steve,” said Bucky, mouth still half full of Cheerios, “is that, I have to think about you being hurt. I have to, or I don’t feel anything.”

“What? Oh,” said Steve. He put his spoon back in his bowl and set it on the glass table in front of them. “Like if I got beaten up, you mean?”

Bucky exhaled softly in a way that seemed to confirm that, yes, he would enjoy that. “I’ve tried making it someone else, Steve. Really, I have. Like if it were Pierce or Rumlow. That would be sweet. You could jerk me off and whisper in my ear about you kicking the shit out of them, tying them down in a black cell and making them beg, using electricity to…, but oh fuck, Steve. I, I do want that but I only want to see that happen to you. I want to do it to you.” His voice had slipped to the quietest thing that would even be audible. “I’m hard right now, Steve, because I’m thinking of that begin done to you. Of you like that, tied down and tortured. Screaming in pain. Naked and begging for it to stop. Sweating and grimacing as you tried to control it. I’ve seen you, Steve, so many times, trying to control pain. I want to hurt you so much it breaks through that control. I want to make you come apart with pain and fear.”

“Oh,” said Steve again.

Bucky was only wearing sweatpants. His erection was very obvious.“I think about it all the time. When we’re together. When I’m alone. It’s the only thing that makes me… I can’t even get hard, without that.”

“Do you want to do it for real or just think about it?”

Bucky looked down into his cereal bowl. “There’s no way, Steve. I’d never do that to you.”

“But do you want to?”

Bucky’s voice was so quiet now Steve didn’t hear the first time. He leaned closer. “What, Buck? Say that again.”

Bucky whispered, “Yes.”


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t like Bruce. He liked him fine as a person, but was so wary and careful around him, it always ended up making everyone uncomfortable. Steve assumed - and, indeed, assumed everyone assumed - that this was down to The Other Guy. Bucky had never been around Bruce when he’d got angry, so no one knew how he’d react, but Steve suspected Bucky thought it would trigger something in him to see someone else lose control and become a monster.

It made sense to Steve for Bucky not to want be around someone else who had a monster inside them. 

So, when Steve heard about the wire, he didn’t mention it to Bucky. He just went to see Bruce, with the notion in his head, that he’d steal it if he had to.

Bruce, however, was happy to show off the discovery. He and Tony had been trying to recreate this particular metal at an atomic level for months. The spool of wire on the bench, was the result of hours and hours of painstaking calculation and calibration, weeks of late nights. Steve felt a little sick over what he was planning to do with it.

“Yeah,” sad Bruce in response to the vaguest enquiry. “We can only make it as a thin wire right now, Captain. Thin, but exceptionally strong and pliable. It could revolutionise construction. Bigger longer bridges, taller buildings, even.” Bruce was grinning. Steve knew Bruce liked him. Sometimes, he thought, Bruce liked him a real lot. 

“Can I have some?” said Steve.

Bruce shrugged. “What for? You gonna build a bridge, big guy?”

“Kinda.”

*

“So,” said Natasha, “you want me to tie you up with this wire Bruce and Tony have made so you can see if it will hold you, that right?”

“Yep.” Steve pulled back his shoulders. He wasn’t great at lying. And Bruce was one thing, but Natasha was entirely another. “As I said to Bruce, we need to assess the effect of anything new. On me.”

Natasha played with the length of wire, she’d already unrolled from the spool. It was very flexible. “Okay. What sort of tied up. Immobilisation? Torture?”

“Torture.” _Swallow_. “Sexual torture.”

“Right then.” Natasha’s intense pragmatism, at least, was going to be an advantage here, at least. She squinted at Steve. “On your back then, we’ll do your wrists to your ankles.”

Steve nodded, lay down on the hard carpet and hitched up his knees. They were in a small room, that had a unspecified purpose. Nothing in it but an unused desk that Natasha was perched on. Natasha used this room a lot. Steve didn’t know what for; maybe for stuff like this. As he lay down, she went and checked the door was locked.

“Okay. So how do I cut this fucking unbreakable stuff?” said Natasha. She’d measured out the first length of wire.

“Blow torch. It’s on the desk.”

Over the next hour, Steve and Natasha, assured themselves, with the use of a taser as a disincentive, that Steve absolutely could not break the wire. 

“So you want to tell me what this is about,” said Natasha as she lay on the floor, using the blow torch to get Steve out of the wire bondage. “You don’t have to. Although I’m pretty sure this isn’t classified, but thought you might want to. Want to?” Steve hissed as she caught his wrist with the blow torch. “Shit. Sorry. That wasn’t mean to get you to talk.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah, pretty sure I’d know about it if you wanted me to talk. Just be careful, though. That thing’s hot.”

“Er, blow torch? But sure, I’ll be careful. Keeping in mind I just wired you into a frog tie and tasered your balls.” As she spoke she freed Steve’s right wrist and ankle. He sighed with relief and stretched out his leg. Natasha climbed over Steve to do the other side.

“Bucky wants to hurt me,” Steve said.

“I’m not surprised. You’re damn annoying.” Natasha was better with the blow torch on this side. She’d already got his left wrist free.

“I mean, he has a sex thing. About that. He didn’t have it before. But now he gets turned on hurting me. He has to think about hurting me to even get hard.” Steve stretched out his left leg, pulled back his arms and then flipped himself up from the floor. 

Natasha sat back, leaning against the wall, and looked at him. “And that’s why you want to be tied down with wire you can’t break?”

Steve nodded, sitting down opposite her. “Yeah. I mean, I guess I could just lie still and let him, but I figured, from what he’s been saying, that he’d like it best if I couldn’t do anything to stop him.”

“Shit. Steve.” Natasha pulled a chocolate bar from her pocket. “But you’re not into that, right?” She frowned. “Are you into that?”

“I’ve never thought about it.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “Yeah, that’s basically not being into it,” she said, “Look, okay, but Bucky might want that now. Stuff can happen, people change, even without, you know, Hydra. But it doesn’t have to be you he does it to. I know you love each other, but for this, he can find someone who likes that stuff.” 

“Who? Who would like that stuff? Nat, he wants to torture me. Beat me until I’m bleeding. Crying and begging him to stop.” Steve made a fist with his right hand and thumped it down on the floor. Not hard. He'd made a dent in the hard wood floor of the cinema once, watching Titanic. (He was still upset about all those families in steerage.) Now he was careful when he bashed his fist on the floor.

Natasha shrugged. “There are people who do like that though. Being hurt, I mean.”

“Are there? I think it’s going to really hurt. He wants it to hurt a lot. He really wants that. We've talked about it and the things that excite him most are just brutal. It’s not going to be fun. Besides,” Steve sighed, “it has to be me. What’s been done to him, it only works if it’s me.”

Natasha was eating her chocolate bar. She paused to dig something, maybe a bit of nut out of one of her back teeth. “I suppose,” she said, with her fingers in her mouth, “if you were his ultimate target, the one he needs to secure above all others, it makes sense to link his sexual response to taking you down. To your suffering.”

Steve shuddered. “Oh Buck.”

“In Hydra’s defence, I doubt they ever thought an operative would break their programming and start a sexual relationship with the person they’d been programmed to get off on torturing.” _Ah, yes, Natasha’s pragmatism._

“Quite. So it has to be me.”

“No,” said Natasha. “No it doesn’t. No matter what’s been done to him, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this at all. You’re not responsible for this and you don’t have to fix it.”

“But I am responsible, Nat. For all of it. I let them take him.”

Natasha said something back, but Steve didn’t listen. The idea of Bucky making him scream and beg didn’t make Steve excited. But he wanted it more than anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr
> 
> http://mathildia.tumblr.com/


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